Friday, June 15, 2012


I was, like so many kids of my age, under the delusional impression that Risk is a fun game in my early years. I would sit down with my brother and dad and start up a new game, wide-eyed and spirited... only to hate the whole experience several hours later, because it was STILL GOING. I began to envy those players who had been killed early, as they could at least go do something else.

Dicewars is a little like Risk. Except worse. Consequently, it's a game I will still play from time to time, but I'll never really enjoy the bastard.


As I've more or less suggested, Dicewars is similar to Risk. You begin play on a randomly-generated field of coloured territories, alongside a variety of other players. Your goal is to conquer every country on the board by driving out the opposition. You attack adjacent territories with your dice, you spread your influence, you gain more troops at the end of your turn. Move on to the next player.

Yep. Risk. No cards, no redeployment, no Australia to save your ass... but... Risk. The only difference is the amount of time spent playing, as you can usually complete a game of Dicewars in less than twenty minutes.




Dicewars was programmed in the very early 21st century, so its lackluster graphics can be excused. There's nothing that stands out about the aesthetics.

My complaint? You can't change your army's colour. You're always purple. whyyyyy


The sound of rolling fascinates me.

Challenge Rating

Here we go. The actual content of the review. Is Dicewars challenging?

Yes. Yes it is. In the same way Risk is. You're never really fighting other armies in Dicewars. Instead, you're fighting luck itself. Every strategic decision or brazen maneuver comes down to one thing: a random number generator. If you're lucky, you'll do well. If you're not, you'll die.

Most often, you'll die.

Don't get me wrong! There's a modicum of strategy involved. It's unwise to spread yourself too thin, for example, and it's good to avoid being caught in the middle of three or four warring factions. Proper land management is key. If you don't get the right rolls, though, or if the computer doesn't place your additional armies on BORDER STATES rather than in the bank ranks where they're useless, you're toast.

Also? It is possible to die on the first turn, before you've had a chance to do anything. Random chance. What an arse.

Dicewars would be less annoying if it introduced some additional mechanics. Powers, or surprise additional armies, or the ability to place your OWN BLOODY TROOPS, or... something. I don't know. This game is all about basic, random chance, though, and given its advanced age I doubt any such overhauls are on the drawing board.


Fuck pink. It wins too often.

I'm not a big fan of Dicewars. But I'll keep playing, because I still like to win. I like the look of a single, unified continent, flying tall and proud under the epic colour purple.

I couldn't beat the random number generator today, though, so I can provide no such glorious screenshot. Balls.


1 comment:

  1. The programmer who created dice wars does not know what a random generator is even if it chewed on his ass. I'm seriously consider hiring a hit man to track down the programmer and break one of his bones each time pink wins or you loose 8 dice to yellow's 3.