Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Super Pig

As repeat readers of Browser Rousers have probably learned by now, I dislike posting reviews for games I haven't beaten. It's difficult to provide a well-rounded overview of a game when you haven't poked into all the requisite nooks and crannies - and besides, I like the feeling of beating a game.

Super Pig, though? Nope. Ain't happenin', ladies and gents. I didn't even come close to beating this jerkass of a game, and I doubt most of you will, either, unless you have a loooot of time to waste.


Super Pig is your run-of-the-mill porker. He doesn't want much out of life, aside from saving his girlfriend from, er, a certain period of the month... and he's willing to brave darkened corridors full of dangers to aid her.

And die in the attempt.






Who cares about the story, really. It's a play on periods. Yar har har, fantastic. It's throwaway - though it also PERFECTLY fits the theme of Super Pig, which is to paint invisible obstacles red with Super Pig's blood. That's really the only legitimate way to beat this game: run around invisible corridors until you hit spikes or an enemy, die, note the obstacles that have been unveiled by Super Pig's sprayed blood, then avoid 'em on your next life. Hurrah!

I sound sarcastic, but the concept behind Super Pig actually IS pretty novel. Have you ever played a game before where your death paves the way to survival? Assuming you can't remember where trouble spots are with memory alone? I sure haven't.


Super Pig is a precision game. Unveiling traps is not enough to ensure survival: you also need to circumvent 'em on your return trip. And, given that this game is billed as REALLY REALLY HARD, you can imagine that the controls are not ideal.

This is half true and half false. Super Pig is actually highly responsive to your commands, and will gleefully sprint at high speeds or leap to heights unknown by the average porcine hero. That said, Super Pig's sensitivity is a detriment to your survival in many cases, as he'll overshoot your intentions and crash into his untimely demise if you're even a little off on your calculations. What a pain.

I will give the programmer one thing, however: he (she? not sure) saw fit to include a few different jumping keys at variable strengths. If you just want a tiny jump, for example, hitting X will cause Super Pig to let loose a tiny hop rather than his normal high jump. Going through entire levels after dying is an ENORMOUS pain, so every little bit of help is appreciated.


Super Pig consists of roughly three things: the pig, the pig's girlfriend, and gore-covered environments in-between the two. Nothing spectacular, though again, I like the idea of unveiling platforms and spikes and so forth through the use of spattering blood. I'm sick like that.


A few goofy voices and ambient sounds aside, most of Super Pig's audio is invested in a) a level select and menu song that reminds me of SNES racing games and b) a constantly-repeating tune, more or less the game's primary theme, that runs whenever you're playing through a level. The music is very retro, which I dig, though listening to that same damn song constantly gets old.

Challenge Rating

Super Pig is, without doubt, one of the hardest games I've ever played. It was MADE with the sole purpose of preventing players from ever getting to the end, and the game more or less admits as much before you start playing. There's a reason the levels have names like 'Ragequit'.

You. Will. Ragequit.

That said, Super Pig is a teensy bit more forgiving than I make it sound. The levels I played ARE all solvable, for starters; you just need a lot of patience. And, to make up for Super Pig's extreme vulnerability, you don't HAVE to touch your girlfriend on each level to proceed. Get close enough and you'll win automatically.

Still, though? Freakishly hard. Even with God Mode activated, which strips away the lives system and lets you splatter yourself all over the place. Once you do that it's less a challenge and more an endurance trial.


Super Pig... good idea. Fun. Interesting. Innovative, at least to me. But not a game most people will like, because, as the game boldly declares, only a handful of people have ever actually beaten the damn thing:

And I, for one, will not run this gamut long enough to come even REMOTELY close to beating it.

Cheers, Super Pig. I hope you get your girlfriend some day.


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